Vocabulary

"Is this a good word to say Mummy? Hilarious?" "Oh yes! That's very good, it means really funny." "Is this a good word to say Mummy? Bother?" "Oh yes, that's good too. It's a word you say when something goes wrong." "Mummy. Is this a good word to say? Bastard?" At which point I felt he had rolled Hilarious and Bother all into one.

Disaster!

I have made a disasterous mistake. I have promised SSC that we will make a chocolate cake today. Usually making a cake entails opening a box of somesort and cutting it up. But today I have found a recipe and apparently I need something called Baking Powder and other such products. Gorgeous fiance slipped me £40 "in case it goes tits up and you need Konditor & Cooke".

My Skin!

Well, woop de fucking woop - my skin is really good!!! I am deeply confused by this as I havprobably will continue to, abuse my skin at every turn. Water? It tastes bad. Wine? It tastes good. Cleanser, toner, moisturiser? WHEN??? Smoking? Yup. I think you get the picture.

But to my amazement I have abnormally above average skin. The only area that I failed on was... was bacteria on my nose. YUK!!! I have virtually no wrinkles but I have a grubby nose. Right now I can't figure out which is worse!

Not such a funny post

Been advised by two dog trainers now to give Dolly away. Are they on the doggie make or something?!?!?!? Feeling really crap and really low. I feel I want to hide Dolly away Anne Frank style. Will blog when more positive.x

What have I done???

It will sound ideal to all of you - and it did to me too at first. I am about to be a guinea pig for an anti ageing product. (All fitting rather nicely with my "I will be a girl" mantra). BUT!!! Tomorrow I am going to have my skin sort of x rayed in order that the results after 6 weeks can be verified. I have the facial structure of a 16 year old and regularly get asked for ID so I blind myself to the real truth. Tomorrow I am going to find out what that is. A pack of fags a day, at least half a bottle of wine a night, never taking my make up off... all those things I took at clubs in my 20s. The lack of sleep from partying and child rearing (not together obviously). It's going to stare at me on a sheet of paper and I will be able to hide no more. Thank God tomorrow is oodles of time away but SSC's bedtime is only an hour away and I can have one more - last - comforting glass of wine. Phew, panic over.

First step to becoming a girly

So! I have decided to become a girl! Yes, I know I am a girl but I very rarely look or behave like one. Today I invested in some St Tropez self tan stuff. I haven't used slef tan in years (I did spend a good chunk of my 20s with orange ankles) and I have been mentally planning how to aply it so as not to get an orange paw. My first thought was using some of fiance's hairdressing plastic gloves. But then I realised that they are a large size and I am a tiny size and that I would therefor end up with plastic glove streaks that I couldn't really explain away. I am now going to go for the "use your hands really quickly and wash the hands even quicker" technique. But I know that this will lead to white hands but with tons of self tan developing around the nails. So the sun is about to start shining in London and I will basically have to wear mittens.

Wine Consumption

My wine consumption is far from ideal - well not to a doctor anyway, to me it's just dandy! Surely I'm not the only mummy out there who gets excited that bedtime is almost over and that lovely pop sound can occur. But maybe I'm pushing it...

We live in a block of flats with a courtyard that our kitchen overlooks. There is a man who stands on the stairwell of the flats opposite to smoke. I've never met him but he seems nice enough. I've just passed him and he asked me "what type of wine is it you're always drinking?" ALWAYS????? And then he gave me two bottles of white that he'd been given because they don't drink. ARGH! Am clearly local alchy. Have just moved my kitchen stool to other end of kitchen so can now not be spotted enjoying the evening glass (or 3). Does this count as secret drinking? Am I heading down a slippery slope? Anyway, luckily it's almost SSC's bedtime so I shall ponder this question in my new kitchen position with a glass of bubbles - out of sight.