The slightly unusual school run

So here I am, a trying to be yummy but seemingly always slummy Mummy. I have 1,000 thread Egyptian cotton sheets but I smoke in bed. I drink bubbles - but I drink. Yup, I am a truly half and half slummy yet (well my man thinks so) yummy Mummy.

Today was as it really always is. I haven't had a drink since about half four on Saturday night/ Sunday morning so things are going really quite well. Small dog got her wee/ poo walk at 7 this morning. Then small child and fiance got breakfast/ baths/ coffee/ tv etc. I was showered and ready to conquer the world by half eight. Then it all goes like this: NOOOOOOOOOO I WILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL NOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTT GETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT DRESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSED. I HATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE YOU. YOU ARE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT MYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY MOOOOTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRR ANYMORE. Then, ten minutes later the said small boy who has told me I am not his mother has put a gold present type star on my chest to tell me that I am the best mother in the whole wide world. Not only that but he loves my very big boobies. I will tell you now that I am a 32A. He's going to be hugely happy in later life! So, off he and I go to his school, me with said rosette on my glorious boosom and he with a jump in his step. Ok, so that's not entirely true. Said Small Child runs, always bloody runs, to school leaving me running after him, huffing and puffing. One day I will be so proud of my long distance running Said Small Child but not right now. Right now I just want him to walk with me and hold my hand. Anyway, back to my glorious boosom. We arrive at school and I have totally forgotten about my rosette. But not so Said Small Child (whom I shall call SSC from now on, as I'm sure you've got the message). Yup, he declares to teachers 1 and 2 that he has glorified (yes, he said glorified) my boobies and my Mummy duties with a gold star. Oh joy. Now I feel like a woman who needs to be examined "just in case". I make my exit siftly and without the kiss goodbye.